


Lemons

by Lathbora_viran



Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect 3 - Fandom, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Pranks, these guys just giving each other shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-10
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2019-01-15 11:51:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12320529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lathbora_viran/pseuds/Lathbora_viran
Summary: Vega's pride is a bit sore after introductions with their new Prothean crewmate turn a bit... sour. By accident, it seems the instrument of just revenge has fallen into his hands. Joker is more than happy to encourage him, despite the fact that Javik seems intent on finding fodder to force out of the Normandy's airlocks.





	Lemons

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who reads this who also read Escaping Ostagar, I deep apologise. A lot of shit came up at once, I ended up working three jobs. But November 1st I'll be down to one again and I swear by all that is holy and unholy and just plain weird that I will get the last 11 or 12 chapters of it up by the end of the year. Its made me feel so terrible that this unannounced hiatus came up. Please enjoy these small things I'm posting while I try and get up and running again.

               “So, Vega. Where the hell did you find lemons? Real, right from Earth, lemons.” Joker picked one up and tossed it back and forth between his hands from the tiny crate of five that James had brought up to show him. “And what are you going to do with them?”

               Vega shrugged and folded his arms across his chest, “A bit of juice would keep my salsa better longer for abuela’s huevos but if you, Williams, and the Commander decide you want something I could probably find some more ingredients.”

               The snort from Joker was instant, “You expect to find fresh ingredients when the galaxy is going to hell? Aliens probably can’t have lemons, can they?”

               EDI glanced their way briefly, “Some can, some can’t. Turians, for instance, can’t. Javik’s genetic code is distinct but ours has enough similarities that it probably wouldn’t hurt him.”

               For a moment Joker just gazed at the AI seated next to him before giving a contented sigh and returning his attention to the oddly silent marine. The gleam in Vega’s eyes had Joker leaning back with a sideways glance. “Uh…”

               “You know how babies do that scrunchy-face thing when you give them lemons? None of our non-human crew have probably had them. Javik’s already sour but should we give him a slice and see what happens?” James kept his voice low, taking a casual look over his shoulder before taking the lemon out of Joker’s suddenly nerveless hand to return it to the box.

               The pilot recovered just fast enough to grab at Vega’s arm with a grin, “You have to. I need to see this. Tell me when and I will walk my ass down to the mess hall.”

               James shook his hand with a spreading grin of his own, “Oh, definitely. I don’t think any of us will want to miss this.” It was going to be adequate vengeance after the Prothean had turned his attempt to make nice into a chance to insult him.

               -----

               “Hey! Javik, my man.” All four eyes narrowed slightly as Vega cheerfully waved the walking fossil down and pushed himself away from the counter. Garrus sat back slightly at one of the mess tables, Tali across from him with both hands covering her face, although the foggy lights of her eyes through her mask peeked between her fingers. Liara sat next to her and simply rested her head on the table with a sigh, already regretting agreeing to oversee Vega’s prank.

               “I am not ‘your man’. What is it you want?” The deep lilt of his voice was already annoyed, though not many on the Normandy SR-2 had heard it as anything but.

               A noise and more movement caught James’ attention as EDI helped Joker from the lift to the CIC. “I hear you ate all sorts of crazy things back in your time. You really ate Salarians?”

               A guttural grunt left Javik’s throat as a watchful gaze scanned the entire room while he set a flask onto the countertop. “Yes. Raw. It was a –“

               “A delicacy. Yeah, heard Shepard talking about you and Wrex bro-ing it up trying to unnerve the Salarians.” His head nodded sagely despite the ire that flickered across Javik’s face. Looks like that never failed to remind anyone that his race, just like the Turians, was pretty much solely predatory. “Ever try a lemon?”

               Amber eyes flickered down to the cut up yellow fruit on a plate that Vega had pushed closer to him. The next glare they exchanged made the current challenge completely clear to both. Javik had no clue what would happen if he ate it, or if it was even a real food. But if he refused the dare, Vega would win anyway.

               With an air of utter nonchalance and an effortless look of boredom, the Prothean picked up one slice delicately between two taloned fingers. His hip rested lazily against the counter as everyone held their breath and he watched a drop of juice drip down a short claw. “No. As I am sure you already knew. Your attempts to… get one over on me, as you humans say, are primitive. As I expected.”

               “Maybe, but I don’t see you eating it.” Vega’s tone was sharp, the dare doubled down in an instant.

               Chuckling briefly, Javik gave him an arch stare and ate the slice, skin and all. He chewed thoughtfully, plainly studying what he thought of it, before shrugging. A moment later he picked up his flask and opened it. “It is eaten. What is your next play, primitive?”

               James blinked once and then sighed and waved a hand at him, “You’re no fun. It was worth a try, Joker. We should get you back to your fancy leather chair.”

               Grimacing, Joker rose to his feet with EDI’s help under the gloating gaze of the still victorious Javik. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll figure something else out.”

               Javik and the forgotten group seated still in the mess watched the trio depart, both clowns grumbling from their failure. At the pneumatic hiss of the lift doors, the Prothean coughed and his face twisted in disgust.

               “Seriously?” Liara lifted her head at Garrus’ choked laugh as Javik swiftly removed the tattered bit of lemon from where it had been tucked by his cheek and threw it in the disposal, almost gagging before shaking his head.

              Tali’s hands fell to the table, “How did you manage that if you hated it so much?”

              Haughty, the ancient warrior took a deep swig from his flask to cleanse his tormented palate before fixing them with another glare. “As if I would ever let a primitive make me show weakness. The day either of those fools triumphs over me in even the smallest of ways, the great Prothean Empire will have truly fallen to its lowest point.”

              Taking another drink and brushing his mouth off, ignoring Garrus’ badly hidden snickers, he calmly turned and continued to make his way to the lift, his intended destination before he had been side tracked.


End file.
